I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
