1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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