Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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