i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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