I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
