a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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