you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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