Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize