Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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