...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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