I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
