he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
