why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
