The maid of honor just puked.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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