Is it normal to miss your booty call?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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