nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
