I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
