We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
