So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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