This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
