they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
