life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
