new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
