I think i peed on brittanys purse
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
