in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
