thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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