I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
