come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
do herpes really smell.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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