Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
