I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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