I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
