We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
