Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
