You made me cry and you don't even care
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you inspire me to be a worse person
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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