On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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