if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
