Moan for me like Helen Keller
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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