I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
