Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
