if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
