HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
