Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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