last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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