My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
