Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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