if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
