so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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