I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
