even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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