Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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