I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
