In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
