I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
