please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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