Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
