Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
