I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
...so i touched it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
