So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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