i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The adults are the big ones right?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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