are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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