You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
