I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
