I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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